Saturday, April 2, 2011

I miss my community.

Whenever I need to make changes in life, I have a tendency to be rather abrupt about it. I make clean breaks from anything that's tying me down, surround myself with people who will help me change, hide from everyone else, and focus all my energy on moving forward. (Not surprisingly, I also take a lot of naps during these times.) The year and a half since my mom died has been the most intense period of change in my life so far. I had to adjust to life without my mom or, indeed, any family at all. I picked up and moved to Boston after living my entire life in the same tiny Florida town. I even changed my name (not legally, yet, but that's mostly due to money.) And I've been changing in lots of other ways, too - some intentional, others just as a natural result of growing and living.

I am like an insect that must protect itself in a cocoon while undergoing metamorphosis. A tired metaphor, I know, but I'm not using it in an attempt to say romantic things about turning into a beautiful butterfly. When insects build cocoons, it is because their bodies are being rearranged so quickly that they cannot move and are too fragile to survive any sort of attack. I may not actually be rearranging my DNA (I hope), but I've needed much the same kind of protection and safety that a pupa needs in its cocoon. Unfortunately, this has meant that I've pulled away from lots and lots of people I love. Aside from a few close friends, I haven't seen or even directly spoken to most of my unschooling community since NEUC, which was over six months ago. I've also barely engaged in any blogging or discussion about unschooling. And that makes me sad! I really don't want to see myself drifting away from my community, especially since those are exactly the people who kept me afloat during the most difficult months after my mom died. It would be really unfair and ungrateful of me to leave you as soon as I'm on solid ground.

So I really, really want to reach out to my unschooling friends, both local and far away. I miss you all, and I hope I get to talk to some of you soon. But if I don't, please don't think it's because I don't love you, or because of anything you did or didn't do. I'm just trying to keep my space in the world small enough to hold all my parts together while I rearrange them. With luck and hard work, it won't be too long before I emerge.

2 comments:

Heart Rockin Mama said...

Well put, Elisha. <3

rfs said...

Keep blogging. We miss your posts!